VLADIMIR PUTIN’S FAVORITE NEWSPAPER AN IZVESTIA EXCLUSIVE
UN AND THE NEW YORK TIMES CARPET BOMBED
Daylight Attack By B-25s Time Stops on Times Square; UN Smothered Obama Drones and Moans
United Nations New York City September 20, 2016 Reportage by Ivanna Gohomechik
The clocks were striking thirteen and cocks had begun to crow madly everywhere. The President of the United States was enunciating his swan song speech at the UN as if it mattered. Such delusional drivel about “exceptional” America seemed ghostwritten by Colin Powell.
Ever so slowly the first row began to clear to make increasing room for the presidential nose elongation. And so continued the lying. Not so slowly, a murmur rose like swamp gas from the audience. It drifted into a sort of chant--You came. We saw. You lied. The presidential nose now ran eight rows deep. On the way out the Syrian, Libyan and Cuban delegations picked up a contrapuntal Ha! Ha! Ha!—a sort of Clintonian cha-cha-cha. The president couldn't control himself. They were really leaving in droves.
But Mr. President has learned one thing well over the past eight years—when in doubt do as you’re told. So he kept speaking despite the chanting delegations and their subsequent displacement by the president’s Pinocchio-problem. And now louder still: YOU CAME! WE SAW! YOU LIED! HA! HA! HA!
By now half the smirking audience had left, so enormous had become the presidential nasal passage sent to the wider world by the Oval Office. How little this president seemed to know and so much less understand. Does he truly believe his own words, his own mind? What is the matter with him? On he droned.
America is a force for good in the world, he said. The world is a better place thanks to America. No country should engage proxy armies. America is the only superpower that never thinks of its interests first. America is spreading democracy--extolled the President… the mind boggles. A lying president. A murderous president. A smiling president. Abandon hope all who engage their minds.
The General Assembly was by now now generally empty. Except for the ever-applauding delegations of the United States, Turkey, Saudi Arabia, Qatar, Jordan, Israel, a smattering of confused Europeans and the entire editorial staff of The New York Times. The stench of propagandists scribbling upbeat notes had become intolerable.
And then the carpet bombing commenced. Down they flapped, flap-flap-flapping onto the roofs of the UN building and the offices of the New York Times. Filling UN Plaza and Times Square they fell, the carpets made by the war criminal government of Turkey, politicians for sale at any price, as are their no-fly carpets. An onslaught, a deluge, a bombardment of carpets, but nothing can cover the shame. No broom can sweep away the crimes. Nothing can hide the death and destruction caused by this president, his partner in crime, Hillary Clinton, his staff, his smiling cronies, his deplorable allies, and particularly his Turkish hitman, the true master of disaster, code name...call letters RTE. And nothing can excuse the New York Times stenographers. Murderers all, in the eyes of the suffering world, and in the eyes of Justice, if she exists anywhere.
And one may wonder who dropped the carpet bombs? Easy. Read again Catch-22. Then call Colonel Milo Minderbinder or his present day equivalent, the Military-Industrial Complex. Then rent two B-25s (with crew) for a few hours. A smooth and easy deal. We live in post-post-postmodern times. And welcome to it. Isn’t terrorism easy?
YOU CAME! WE SAW! YOU LIED! HA! HA! HA!
Magical realism, better living through hallucination.
Written by Ivanna Gohomechik, Vladimir Putin's favorite journalist Foreign Correspondent for Izvestia, Vladimir Putin’s favorite newspaper
Posted by: James C. Ryan New York September 20, 2016